With your permission, I would like to show you something.
Have you ever noticed this about advice?
Giving advice is easy. Taking advice is hard. Taking your own advice is harder still.
Why is that?
Surely taking your own advice should be the easiest thing in the world. You know you have your best interests at heart, you know you want positive outcomes for yourself and yet still, you ignore your advice at best or totally rebel against it at worse.
I think it is because offering advice is like finger-pointing. As well-meaning as you are all advice is a form of criticism. It is saying you are not enough as you are, you need to be better.
Our Ego deep down does not like to be criticised.
So that is why (giving advice) pointing the finger is easy, having the finger pointed at you is hard, and having to point the finger back at yourself is harder still.
Ok, let’s stretch out this idea in one more way before we try and come up with a solution.
Advice is like a stick for hitting with. Ok, you can see where this is going. Hitting is easy, getting hit is hard, hitting yourself is masochism or self-flagellation and only crazy people do that.
Right, so how should advice be presented?
Simple.
Before you offer up any advice (or criticism) you ask permission.
You will notice that at the start of this article, I wrote “With your permission” it might have slipped by when you first read it. But it will have definitely removed some of the friction to what came next.
There are other such sentences that ask permission before advice is given…
- Would you allow me to make a suggestion?
- Do you think you are open to another idea or option?
- I have an idea would you be willing to let me share it?
##Side Note: You ask the question and wait for the affirmative. You don’t just use the sentence and barrel through.
There are plenty of ways to gain permission to give advice, before the finger-pointing begins and before the stick comes out.
These questions also can be used on yourself. Before you self-criticise you can ask yourself a similar question to open yourself to advice. You cannot believe just how powerful that is as a feedback/personal learning tool.
Permission-based advice lowers the ego defences and allows the confrontational aspect of giving and receiving advice to be reduced or eliminated. it creates collaboration rather than confrontation. The fingers and the sticks are removed and real sharing becomes possible. This works for self-reflection, giving feedback, sales presentations, negotiations and a dozen other different areas. Any area where one person is in the role of “teacher”. Test it and try it for yourself. You might be happy that you did.
One final thought seeking permission in advance acts like Mary Poppins spoon full of sugar that helps the medicine go down. And that isn’t so bad…
Remember: Action on insights, is the Answer.
Thank you for reading.
If you’re a business owner, entrepreneur or life hacker trying to fast-track your success drop me a follow @thesnowhow for more growth-related content. And if you enjoyed this, it would help massively if you shared or commented. Thanks again.
fnord
